Maybe Depression

Maybe depression
If you sleep twelve hours
And still are tired
And can’t wait for the evening to arrive
Although you just got up
Yet another day to get through

Yet another day

That’s not you
You are happy go lucky
You are relaxed
Undemanding
Thrifty
Funny
Warm
Smart and
Smartass
Caring
Cheeky
Passionate
Grateful
Always
Learning
Moving
Reinventing
Embracing life
Joy
The little moments

Yet another day is looming
You can’t bear to face
Another day
Where institutional abuse
Is perpetuated
By government bodies
By family court
Another day
The voice of a father is silenced

The louder that silence becomes
The louder is your pain

And I am scared
So scared
That maybe
That one day
Is a day
You won’t be able to face

Outer Hebrides: Go with the flow

Again this one does not quite fit yet.

drying wet-suits and a grill in the foreground looking over an ocean bay

Discarded wet suits
Drying in the breeze
A sad looking bag of charcoal
Crunched up
Holding the potential for one more BBQ

But not here
Not now
Not on this holiday
ANYMORE

Sadness creeps up
The simple life
Of our ever-so-slightly moving abode
Will soon be packed away
For another summer

August has just begun
But for us the summer is over
100s of emails looming
I have 48 hours leeway
And mentally push
Against the tidal amplitude of work-life

I love my work
But the constant pressure
Like currents in the sea
I have rowed against
Had become too much

I hope my learning
Will last and like my kayak
I will only put the paddle into the water to steer into the right direction
Occasionally
And not dispense all my energy rowing against the swell

I won’t fight
Against the tide
Anymore


It rains

The rain it raineth every day
It rains cookies at night
Kisses in the morning
Tears on a bad day
And cuddles supporting

The rain it raineth every day
It rains coffee on grey days
Chocolate for sads
Smiles every chance
And laughter as much as we can

The rain it raineth every day
It rains Schnitzel with noodles
Friendship in oodles
Happiness as we make it
And sweet smelling roses

It’s not quite there yet but I thought I share anyway

Anxiety

Creeps up snarling
Yellow teeth sharp
Stomach contracts
In anticipation

Heart is set for fight
Never flight
Never freeze
Always charge

But there is nothing to charge against
No one to fight
But myself
Brain is stuck in an archaic pattern
With nowhere to go

No long boat to board
No swords to draw
No arrows to aim
No spears to sharpen

Paper and pencil sometimes
Are not mightier than the sword
The soul remembers
Saber-teeth and battles


Be relentless

Live relentlessly

Relentlessly optimistic
Relentlessly happy

Give into your sadness with all your being
And let it run, run, down the river

Give into your joy with all your heart
Let your inner child embrace life again

Give into your anger with all your might
Let it rage until your knuckles bleed

Give into your love with all your Self
Let it grow, grow until it leaps onto others

Be relentless
In living this life of yours

Just one rule
Don’t destroy anyone else on the way

Suffixes for Abuse

The prefixes you have for me
Usually start with fucking (insert derogatory term here)
You used them the moment you knew off me
Not anything about me–just off me

A threat to your carefully spun web of deceit
Of course you feel threatened by me
You cannot manipulate me
You cannot predict me

Your open threat:
‘Hands down I will win.’
Won’t work with me
I am healing–the noun
That means I am ripping off band-aids

Granddad always said:
‘Let air touch the wound to heal.’
Air, and light, and love
You won’t stop me loving them
You won’t stop me healing them

But you, you
For you I have given up
I have let go

And as of now
–after enduring years of your prefixes–
For you I have a suffix
May she rot in hell

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