I don’t have to

I don’t have to tread carefully now
Because the monster sleeps
I don’t have to worry now
Because my words will be misused
I don’t have to loose sleep now
Because I won’t be interrogated

I can breathe now
Because there is air again
I can dance now
Because there is space again
I can be happy now
Because the shackles have gone
I can be creative now
Because the judgement was taken
I can be productive now
Because my brain stopped worrying

I don’t have to hide my strength now
Because you would punish
I don’t have to hide my smarts now
Because you felt threaten
I don’t have to hold back now
Because you would say no

I can imagine again
I can create again
I can be productive again
I can draw my sword and fight dragons again
I can support again
I can dance again

I am free

Abuse

when the abuser believes to be the victim
when they don’t see the damage they cause
when they cry wolf to distract from grey fur showing through the sheep skin
when everyone but a few understand exactly who the wolf is
when their manipulation freys at the edges
when happiness threatens their reality
when their forgetting isn’t holding in the demons anymore
whereever they turn the demons are everywhere
there is no escape

Dead Eyes

Dead eyes,
Like a broken gate,
Are not the door to the soul anymore.

Dead eyes,
Make me wonder,
If the soul is dead, too?

Dead words,
Out of your mouth,
Full of contradictions and manipulation.

Dead words,
Entangle themselves,
In in fabrications of a sick mind.

Dead eyes,
Don’t blink,
Not even if you think you should bring on tears.

Dead eyes,
Even scarier,
In a face that doesn’t move on top a a rigid body.

Dead language,
Void of emotion,
Bar pure violence and hatred.

Dead language,
You know what you should say,
But make sure that it cannot be followed through.

Dead eyes,
Are frightening,
They give goosebumps to my bones,
The hair on my neck rises,
My stomach clenches,
Archaic scripts on my DNA wanting to grab my stone-edged-spear,
Adrenaline kicks my body into full blown fight mode.

Dead eyes,
No-one at home,
All that’s left is bile, anger, pain, loss.
There is no help for dead eyes.

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